No Way Out
by amaltia
Summary: Isn't it strange when the people you think you know suddenly become strangers? You realize then you had your eyes closed to their faults. Goku POV, Pg13 for implied mm, angst, language. indefinite hiatus
1. Trapped

** Warning: ** This story will contain: references to male/male relationships, bad language, and will probably get very angsty. The rating might rise later on in the story--I don't know.

**Disclaimer: ** Saiyuki is (c)Kazuya Minekura, Enix Co., Tv Tokyo, etc. I do not claim to own any of these characters, though the views expressed within my story are my own. All original characters and ideas in this story are (c)kitsune-oni (userid:289468), and use of my stories and/or any original plots, themes or characters will not be tolerated. This disclaimer applies to the entire story, "No Way Out".

**Written: ** August 15, 2004

** A/N: ** I originally wanted to title this fic "Betrayals" because I'm inspiring myself with all the betrayals I have suffered through the hands of family and friends. After all, an enemy can't really betray you, can they? I decided to transfer the general situation to the Sanzo-ikkou, with Goku as the one I identify myself with. Then I mixed in a lot of fiction so that you can't really distinguish truth from it. g  
This title comes from a poem I recently posted on deviantart, because it matched up with what I'm writing as the last chapter. So that's cool.  
I'm quite inspired on this fic (which pleases me) but not inspired on my others already posted (which sucks)... but I'm going to try update at least once/fortnight. 

** Chapter 1 - Trapped**

"The treason pleases, but the traitors are odious."

They were trapped. Stuck in this dark cave ever since the road had collapsed beneath them and they'd tumbled don the mountainside 'til they'd all fallen in. Stuck with an ever decreasing amount of supplies.

They'd tried to climb out, of course. Gojyo had even thrown his precious weapon deep into the rock in an attempt to use it as a handhold. But it was useless. The rocks crumbled beneath their weight and the mouth of the cave seemed so far off and distant....

Goku glanced around but could barely make out the cave walls in the dim light. Night was fast approaching.

He stood up wearily and brushed himself off, ignoring Sanzo's sharp glance as he headed towards the walls for the fifth time that hour. Maybe he'd missed something. Maybe the meager sunlight that had filtered through earlier on had not touched all the cave walls. There had to be an opening somewhere. There had to be.

He traced his way around the edges of the cave, reaching as high as he could and knocking to test whether the walls were hollow.

"Urusai." Sanzo's voice was tired, so bone weary that Goku shuddered to hear it.

"Goku, we've all looked," Hakkai murmured. "Sit down and save your strength."

Goku turned to look at them. They were sitting in the middle of the cave, the only place where the moonlight touched the ground. He looked at them, and all he could feel was hate. They'd all betrayed him. Their words of friendship had been nothing more than that--words. As much as they might've cared for him, they'd broken his trust, hurt him and scarred him.

He'd tried to continue caring for them. He'd pretended to be completely at his ease after all those troublesome events had blown over, but there was always that small niggling of anger in his heart, and the sight of them giving up and being so weak made his blood boil.

He finally chose to respond, and gave a hollow laugh. "Save my strength for _what_? Hakuryuu is not going to make it back in time."

Hakkai winced at this last comment as if it were an attack on him, but he didn't deny it. It was only the truth, after all. They were out in the middle of nowhere, and the dragonet had been gone for days. There was no help coming.

Goku finished his circle around the cave. He'd found nothing but cold wall beneath his fingers. Had he really expected the cave to change in the space of ten minutes?

"There's got to be something we can do," he muttered. He summoned Nyoibou and did a few loose movements to stretch his muscles. His stomach panged painfully with the effort, clamoring for food. He ignored it.

"Maybe...."

"Goku," Hakkai spoke up again. "We've already told you: if we hit the walls the whole cave could crumble down on us. It's not safe."

"Eat the last meat bun and shut up," Goku hissed back venomously. "After all, aren't you the one who finishes our rations when we need them?"

Hakkai's head jerked back as if Goku had slapped him, but he said nothing. He simply bowed his head down mournfully, examining his hands.

"Monkey," Sanzo growled. "Don't do anything stupid."

Goku narrowed his eyes. "There was a time when you would have scoffed at the idea of accepting death, and you'd have fought it tooth and nail, even at the risk of bringing it closer."

Gojyo chuckled weakly. "I'd still do it if there was a woman on the other side."

Goku snorted in disgust. Gojyo and his women. Nothing else mattered to that pervert. How could he have not realized from the beginning that all his traveling companions were too self-involved to truly care about others? They would never be free from their past or their vices, never be free to dedicate themselves to the present.

He slumped down on to his knees and looked up at the faint light above them. If only that weren't there... It would have been easier to forget that a world outside existed. He vaguely remembered wishing something similar while imprisoned in Mt. Gogyo.

This time, however, hurt more than the last. Goku had a feeling that as hungry as he was, as weak as he felt, he wouldn't die for a long, long, long time yet. But the others would, and soon.

He could feel their resentment at his longevity, but nonetheless thought his fate was worse. He'd have to watch them all die, watch them all rot and turn to skeletons, unless....

Goku surged to his feet with a rush of adrenaline. He planted his feet firmly and swung Nyoibou with all his might, aiming for the wall.

"Goku! No!" Sanzo cried out, but it was too late because he'd already hit the wall.

Cracks began to spread rapidly, an ominous rumbling in the air. Goku watched in fascination as little pebbles began to rain down like hail. It was amazing how everything started out small. How everyone did. Who would have thought that a small boy imprisoned in a cave would have turned out like this? Would have become strong enough to fight the gods themselves?

Goku turned to face Sanzo, and the instant their eyes met he regretted ever having hated the monk. Suddenly there was so much he wanted to say, but there was no time left to say it.

He walked over and stood before Sanzo, looking down at the top of Sanzo's head. He reached down and lightly touched Sanzo's cheek, moving his fingers under the monk's chin and raising Sanzo's face so their gazes could meet once more.

He tried to convey everything he felt through his eyes. His regret, his sorrow, his joy, his love.... And he knew Sanzo understood when a small, almost invisible smile graced the monk's lips.

Bigger stones began to fall, knocking Hakkai and Gojyo unconscious. The stones cut into Goku's skin like the sharp little bites Hakuryuu used to give him sometimes, and he felt a pang when he thought of the little dragon.

Goku looked up and saw Sanzo do the same. They both stared up at the roof caving in over them. This was their end.

He wiped at a cut on his cheek, and felt Sanzo looking at him. He decided to continue looking up as the roof fell down, so that just maybe he'd catch one last glimpse of the sky.

The roof began to fall, and something small and white flickered above them--the moon?

No. It was too long. It was long and white and moving fast, crying piteously.

Goku gasped in horror as he realized what he'd done, and he raised a hand blindly, trying to stop the mass that tumbled down. Sanzo grabbed his other hand and squeezed tightly.

He felt a brief, white flash of pain, and then there was nothing. 


	2. Beginnings

**Written: ** August 15, 2004 (edited: Sept. 21)

** A/N: ** Unfortunately it looks like updates on this fic will be very slow coming out. What with moving house, homework, and other junk... sighs

** Chapter 2 - Beginnings**

He woke up screaming. Screaming in a way he hadn't done for a long time, not since those first few weeks after Sanzo had saved him from Mt. Gogyo.

Goku opened his eyes and his scream died in his throat when he realized where he was. Slowly he began to remember and distinguish dream from reality. They had not fallen into a cave. They had stopped last night at an inn. He was sharing a room with Gojyo.

"Goku? What's happening?"

Speak of the devil. He could feel Gojyo hovering over him and clutched the blanket around him, burrowing down beneath the sheets.

Gojyo. He could clearly remember that pang of dislike that had colored his thoughts during his dream. Why had he hated Gojyo so much? Why had it seemed so real?

The door opened, and Sanzo walked in. Goku didn't know exactly how he knew it was Sanzo, he just did. Maybe it was the monk's aura, maybe it was his smell.

"Get out," Sanzo ordered.

He wondered whether Sanzo was talking to him, but then heard Gojyo leave and close the door behind him.

Goku felt the bed sink down slightly as Sanzo sat down next to him. Sanzo said nothing, simply placing on hand on Goku's head, burying his fingers in Goku's hair.

It was just like the old times. This was why Goku worshipped Sanzo. There was, as much as the monk tried to hide it, a part of Sanzo that cared deeply. Most of the time Sanzo didn't even use that side of him, but when Goku really needed it he knew he could count on Sanzo.

After several minutes, Sanzo spoke up. "Idiot."

At that word, spoken so softly, Goku moved quickly and hugged Sanzo around the waist, fighting off the tremors that shook his whole body. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, assuring himself that Sanzo was still alive, that they were both still alive.

"Again?" Sanzo asked.

Goku knew what he meant. He'd always said that after one of Goku's nightmares, asking if he'd dreamt of the same thing. It had been so long since it had last happened, and yet they'd fallen into their usual routine as if it'd only been yesterday.

"No," he responded. "We were trapped. We were all trapped. And there was no food, and little water. We were all going to die. It was my fault. There was no way out!" The words began to rush out faster, and he clutched Sanzo's robe tightly. "If only I'd waited a little longer then we could have been saved, I just didn't want to see you die and have to live alone so then I hit the wall and--"

"Idiot," Sanzo repeated. "We're all going to die."

Somehow, those words comforted him. Because though Sanzo hadn't said them, Goku knew he had silently added the words _but not for a long time yet_. It was all going to be okay. Sanzo would fight.

Sanzo pushed him away and stood up. "Get dressed. It's almost time to get up anyway."

"What about breakfast?"

Sanzo raised an eyebrow. "Ch'. Hurry up."

Goku leapt up, a warm glow beginning to spread through his body. As Sanzo reached the door, though, a sudden thought struck him and he bowed his head down. "Sanzo?"

Sanzo paused, the door open a crack.

"In the dream... I hated you."

Sanzo stood still for a moment, then repeated himself a third time. "Idiot." He walked out and closed the door softly behind him.

Goku shrugged and concentrated on getting ready for breakfast. A few minutes later, as he was about to walk out the door, Gojyo strolled in.

"You all right, monkey? Had a nice _talk_ with the monk?" Gojyo raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"I'm not a monkey," Goku growled back.

Gojyo laughed. "Funny. You didn't deny the other question."

"Shut up or by the time you get down to the table there'll be nothing left for you!"

"Go ahead and eat, monkey. You'll need to have all your strength to fight me today."

"I could beat you up blindfolded!"

"Oh yeah? Just prove it!"

"I will!" Goku paused when his stomach growled. "Later."

He walked out the door and left it wide open, just to annoy Gojyo. Then he bounded down the stairs and rushed over to join Sanzo and Hakkai.

"Are you all right, Goku?" Hakkai asked.

He felt his cheeks warm up a bit and smiled. "Yeah."

Goku thought back to what he'd said to Hakkai in his dream. As if Hakkai would scoff down food! That was more in Gojyo's style, or even his own. It just went to prove that it had all been just a dream. Maybe the soba noodles the night before hadn't agreed with him.

He stuffed his mouth with food as Gojyo sat down across from him.

"We're going to be crossing an unpopulated area in these next few days," Hakkai informed them. "It should take us four days to get to the next town. I've stocked up with enough food, as well as cigarettes for our two addicts."

Goku grinned at that comment.

"And beer?" Gojyo asked. "Did you take some too?"

"Sanzo said it'd be better not to. Beer is an unnecessary weight at the moment, and we don't want to weigh down Hakuryuu too much, especially as we're taking more supplies than we usually do."

Gojyo looked as if he was about to protest, so Goku added with an evil smile, "We wouldn't do anything to hurt Hakuryuu, right Gojyo? Especially since Hakkai cares so much about him."

Gojyo glared at him, but didn't respond. Hakkai chuckled softly, and stroked

Hakuryuu's cheek with his thumb.

"If you guys are finished, let's go." Sanzo stood up and walked out of the inn.

Goku grabbed as many meat rolls as he could and stuffed them into his mouth before trotting after Sanzo.

Gojyo and Hakkai slowly followed him, speaking in soft whispers so that he couldn't hear them. Goku grinned wryly. They really underestimated his hearing. He could understand every word they said.

He pricked his ears when he heard his name.

"Do you think Goku's all right?" That was Hakkai.

Gojyo snickered softly. "Goku's always all right. And if he isn't, give him some food and he is."

That comment really annoyed Goku, for some reason. But then, Gojyo was always annoying.

He shook his head to get rid of the image of Gojyo's pale, weary face, wishing that damn nightmare would leave him be. He knew not to worry, however. It would soon fade, as all things did.


End file.
